glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
