Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
