So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
