Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
