guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
