We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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