the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize