OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
