just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
