I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
