i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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