dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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