Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
