that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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