I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
