I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
