Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
