i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
