Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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