Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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