if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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