My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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