You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dick very happy bro
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
