Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
