I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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