Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
