So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
