last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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