I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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