went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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