You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
