It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
