She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize