and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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