You're my little dorito
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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