you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
