i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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