it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
