are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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