A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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