you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
