Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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