Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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