trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
