i just google imaged poop.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize