Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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