why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
