upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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