My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
