Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
