Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
