how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
