everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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