Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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