So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
