just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
