How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Where is the hickey?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
