bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
