I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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