If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
