well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
