My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
40s are totally the cure
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
