I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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