At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
