There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
