i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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