i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
