very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
