I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
