So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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