I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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