he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
