I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
