So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
